Choose: Good, Bad, or Ridiculously Bizarre

So I've realized this holiday season has been very stereotypical. It's been stressful making sure everyone gets their gifts and making sure I've worked enough hours to have the money to pay for them. Then while working the extra time, I deal with the other people who are stuck in the vicious cycle that I am, but unlike myself, they choose to deal with it by letting primal rage and basic animal instincts take over. One such example is the fault of Justin Beiber, here's why:

Lady 1 looks around, walks over to shopping cart containing the only Justin Bieber doll in the store. She picks it up and puts it in her shopping cart, then looks around one more time with a smirk on her face.


Lady 2, who is further down the aisle looks up from the toys she was picking out and zeroes in on the now empty shopping cart which had the doll in it, the cart which was hers.


Lady 2 scans aisle like the terminator and sees Lady 1 with doll in her cart which is now parked near her cart.


This is where the "Bieber" hits the fan.


Lady 2: "Hey that was in my cart! It's MINE."


Lady 1: "Oh, I thought that cart was abandoned. You shouldn't leave your cart unattended."


Lady 2: "Oh yeah? Well you shouldn't take things out of people's carts, it's rude! Huh, can you believe that? Pssh. (Random curse words)


Lady 1 hands over the Justin Bieber doll defeated. Her face looked of an Olympic gold medalist who was just told they were disqualified for stealing a bowl haired teenage emo boy doll from an other person's cart.


My question is, why isn't anyone fighting over the tickle me Michael Jackson doll?


And don't even get me started on the Lindsay Lohan treatment center playset. Everyone kept returning them because they said it didn't work.


Speaking of returns, I have a few bizarre items people tried to return and I happened to witness.


1. Naughty DVD player.

Guy walks in, brings his DVD player to the counter, asks for a refund. The customer service girl opened it up, looked at it, and plugged it in to see if it worked. She presses the OPEN button and a porno DVD popped out. The guy had no shame, he just asked for his movie back.


2. These sheets will "put you to sleep."

Woman brings large bag in the store and pulls a various matching sheets out. The girl in the home furnishings department asked what was wrong with it and the woman says, "My mom died on these and doesn't need them anymore." In my head I thought, "Eww," and "Duh, obviously she doesn't need them "anymore." If I beleived in ghosts, in which sometimes I do, (read What I think about ghosts here), those sheets have a 96.7582 percent chance of being haunted.


3. Shoes with living ecosystem.

I was working in the shoe section when a woman brought a box of shoes to return. She handed me the receipt and said she bought them a few days before.I open the box to discover that her child had walked through mud then grass, as it was caked on the bottom and sides of the shoe. I turned one of the shoes around to look inside and saw some ants crawling around on the inside. Then I happened to smell what seemed to be poo and was starting to think it wasn't mud on the shoe after all. Needless to say, I didn't take the shoes back, however it took a good 5 minutes of arguing to get the point across.


People in general are ridiculous, but even more so during this time of year. In the spirit of thinking about ridiculous things, I often think how stupid phrases and terms are that we use every day in the English language.

For example, in school I got used to studying and taking tests pretty often. You can understand my frustration when I see "Blood Test" or "Pregnancy Test," etc. It's not like you can study for a blood test or fail a pregnancy test. Although you could get an "F" for female and you could fail a drug test. Let's just agree that they are all used in stressful Montel situations.


Until recent times, the bank used to be just a place to store money. Nowadays, there are blood banks and sperm banks. See what happens when you walk in a blood bank and ask for a withdrawal. Even worse, go to the sperm bank and ask to open a savings account. (Don't settle for a low interest rate.)


Well, it's time for me to shut this old folding portable computer, put away these delicious Swedish gingersnap cookies, and get myself to bed. I need enough energy to get through the rush of work on the last day before Xmas, it's going to be a nuthouse.


Take care, have a Merry Christmas, happy holidays and such. Also make sure you are in bed before Santa comes, he doesn't like cheats and liars. I hope I'm on the good list this year.