I easily annoy my wife

Marriage.

"Till death do us part" they say, but in today's reality it's "till you pay all lawyer fees". That explains when a guy gets divorced and says, "I'm half the man I used to be", it's because the other half went to his wife in the settlement.

Don't get me wrong, I love being married. I maybe even enjoy it too much. Keep reading to hear my secret on why.

It's more than a friendship. Even more than a partnership. I realized quick that more than anything, it is a game of strategy. 

Marriage puts me in situations where I feel like a political candidate. One petty little argument easily turns into a full debate; us behind our own podiums facing each other. We take turns, trying to make the next statement more powerful and undeniable. It only ends when someone says something that doesn't make sense out of frustration, something they didn't mean out of anger, or that one thing from the past that gets brought up even though it may be completely unrelated (the red button, dont press the red button!)

I usually lose, so in our house my wife has served two consecutive terms in office. Here's to Me in 2016 !

Despite the rare occasion when there is an argument, I found out the following fast:

• When I'm right, I'm wrong.
• When I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
• And lastly, I'm wrong.

Guys, the key is to learn this as quick as possible, just accept fate, right ladies? Also that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. 

So here's the fun part of marriage for me: annoying my wife. 

I'd like to say it's unintentional but as I write this I realize that I do it mostly for my amusement. Perhaps subconsciously? Here are some examples:

• Wear one of my old shirts. Find hole in shirt. Yell and rip apart shirt like Hulk Hogan. Wife looks at me like I'm insane. 

• Wife goes into bathroom and shuts door. I wait quietly by door. Wife opens door, I scream. (Works also if screaming while wife still in bathroom) Wife mad.

• Wife calls me on cell phone. I answer by screaming "oh my god!" Wife freaks out, then tells me off.

• When wife leaves room, hide in random places. Scream when finds me. Wife annoyed.

• Leave shoes in middle of bedroom. Wife trips on them, in the dark. Wife bruised and angry.

• Wait for wife to turn around at grocery store, run to other part of store without her noticing. Wife embarrassed.

• Wife trying to have conversation, asks me what she just said. Answer with wrong/random/vague word. Wife insulted.

Luckily, my wife has a great sense of humor and can put up with my stupid jokes and immature behavior. That's how you know when you found the right one.

Thanks for reading folks. Don't be afraid to leave a comment beloooooooooow!