Bitter, Sour, Salty, Sweet, and Pain

Whew! Finally I'm back after a long work week and I have been thinking this week about my lovely, little, blog. I was ecstatic to see the great response from my last entry, all of my readers from the states, UK, Canada, and all of the other European and Asian countries, I appreciate it!


Last night, I had planned to write a new entry, but was derailed by a throbbing toothache. The pain progressively worsened and had caused me to stay awake all night in agony. I am better now, thanks to antibiotics and pain medication, (Thank you science!)


I always like to write about a theme or even seem like I am not just rambling off random nonsense, so today's topic is Pain.


There are genuine types of pain that many would agree are legitimate reasons to worry about, but then there are others that either seem worse than they actually are or are worse then they actually seem. (See what I did just then?)


For instance let's start with toothaches.


This would fall under the category of worse than they seem. I have seen others complain about tooth pains and I have even seen scenarios about them on television, but I could never imagine what it really felt like, pure and utter hell.

When the pain became apparent, my tooth was letting me know, "Hey there's something wrong here with my pals Nerves and Roots." I thought, it's just a little toothache, it'll go away in a few minutes.


Then my tooth, being all dramatic, starts to freak out. "This guy Sugar came in here and roughed my pals up!" Roots was hanging there swollen and sobbing, while Nerves ran off to tell brain that bad things were going down in the tooth.


The pain became so overbearing that at a point in the middle of the night, I contemplated how I could extract my own tooth. I wanted to employ Mr. Pliers, Senor Fist, or Sir String Doorknob, but didn't want to cause more pain than I was already enduring. I was glad to come upon Aunt I. Biotics and Lady Painkiller, they allowed me some pain-free rest.


Now we take a look at Paper Cuts.

These tend to be highly dramatized, but with the worst of luck can cause some intermediate pain. First, it depends on the type of material in which you were injured with and in conjunction the thickness of said material. This can range from simple piece of mischievous paper to a thick scrap of cardboard hell bent on making you fear the corrugated community. Their cousin, plastic, also made an appearance the other day to rough me up and let their family presence known.


Paper cuts do not stop at one attack. They get you unsuspected, when you though your relationship with paper was at an all time high. They have others working for them, to keep letting you know that you should be afraid. Some of their known lackeys are salt, citric acid, and iodine.


You are probably asking yourself right now, "How will I know when these henchmen attack?"


The symptoms include a sharp pain in injured area, a reaction to grab said area with hand, and a hissing noise made by your mouth sucking in air through clenched lips. In some cases profanities may occur. And beware! You may look closer to investigate the paper cut, however these deviants attack in such a way sometimes, that you don't even know you have been injured.


This next one may sound ridiculous, but show me one person who has not experienced constipation.

Some describe this as stomach pains, cramps, digestion problems, irritable bowels, etc., the list goes on and on. I have even heard someone compare this to child birth, hopefully not seriously. I don't feel I need to go into too much detail on this one, although I can offer up some advise.


Avoid lots of le cheese consumption, watch out for lactose if you cannot tolerate it, eat some fiber, and most importantly do not push too hard and cause a blood vessel rupture. Also keep lots of air freshener in the bathroom and not anything rose scented. There's nothing like walking into a highly concentrated poo-rose scented room, it creates the perfect gag reflex reaction, for your spouse.


P.S. If you were waiting for a poo related joke or pun, I couldn't think of one. I apologize.


So far, these forms of pain have been for the most part pretty common. There is one that I have personally done a few times in my life that have been not only painful, but also idiotic.

Usually I am sitting on the couch, chair, or on the floor with my legs folded up, positioning my knees below my chin. Then I have the sudden urge to sneeze, not realizing I am poised for pain. The force of my sneeze causes my head to jerk forward right into my knees, giving me a combo of pain and embarrassment.


Not only have I sneezed and head-butted my knees, I have also sneezed and hit my head on other things as well and trust me, there is no way of gracefully playing it off.


There is also another category of pain I can place in the "uncommon" section and I hope someone else out there can identify with this next one. Have you ever pinched your hand and it resulted in a blood blister?


The first time this happened, it was seventh grade (Middle school), I was in class and we were instructed to make some charts. All I had to do was use a freaking marker okay? Somehow when putting the cap back on the marker, I pinched the skin between my fingers. After a minute or two, I noticed there was a blister filled with blood where I pinched myself. Keep in mind this was the first time I had seen this kind of thing, so I was a bit freaked out, not to mention the sight of blood makes me feel uneasy.


I've repeated this event a few more times, once with a pair of scissors, and the few other times I can't exactly remember how I managed to repeat it. Honestly, do you know what I'm talking about?


And to round out this list of pain scenarios include:


1. Eating food before it has a chance to cool below the point of liquid magma, resulting in the roof of your mouth to be scalded then you get a hanging skin flap that annoys the crap out of you.


2. Unnecessary tripping and falling. Usually happens due to lack of aware of your surroundings, inanimate objects settling the score for not putting them away properly, inappropriate footwear, inebriated state of mind, and most commonly a natural habit of clumsiness. Minus points when a guy falls in front of a girl. Double points if injury results.


3. Brain freeze. Only acceptable if it is a hot day or you are dehydrated, otherwise stop being so gluttonous! Although, if it is an icee brain freeze, i will forgive you. Blue flavor.


4. Stub toe/Jam finger. In this case you are always the victim, however you will look like an ass if you are cursing at an object that can't defend itself. If you don't care about looking like a wacko, then go ahead, throw that ficus across the room.


I had many more different forms of pain I wanted to include, but I picked the best just for you. That and I have to be up early.


As always, thanks for stopping by, reading my thoughts and experiences. I am honored that people at all find this blog interesting. Thanks to you, it doesn't stink and it's the number 2 blog.


There, you got a poo joke after all.