Let's Celebrate Everything!

Hey you made it to my party!


Although when you RSVP'd, I didn't realize your +2 would be your cats.

Before I get started, I would like to thank my friends, family, and readers for coming back for more ridiculous.


It's like that time mama said, "Boy, you touch that stove, you gonna get burned." It's kind of like my blog being the stove and you not learning your lesson, but if that means your coming back, well I'm doing something right. There must be a pot of awesome cooking on that stove.


Anyhow, the theme of this installment is all about parties. When I think of parties I think, food, people, and entertainment. However, there has to be a reason for the gathering and this is where the logical department of my brain goes on vacation and where the room full of monkeys on typewriters take over.

In my routine of human observation, I have come to a conclusion that these days people are coming up with any excuse to have a party. Here are a few that I think are stupid and as a bonus I'll add a few I made up.


Botox Party - Thanks to Professor Snipe who purified toxin in 1928, middle age women can come together and get their faces jabbed with needles. I'd hate to be the one hosting, especially after they tried to eat after their faces were paralyzed, there would be food crumbs and drool all over the floor.


By the way, if you read his name as Professor Snape at first, you need to get the Potter patch.


Enema Party - I can't say for certain that this has ever happened, but could you imagine? Would you even want to? There would have to be a pretty creative flier to get people to attend. It would say something like, "You're invited to the number 2 party of the year! B.Y.O.E. Friends, family, neighbors, everyone is welcome! There will be back door prizes! Feeling down in the dumps? Stop by and let loose!"


Sick, I know, but who can resist a good poo joke?


Good Fortune Party - I'm not talking about winning the lottery or finding a bag full of cash. It's when your bank account is exactly $7.77. I figure if 7 is a lucky number and you have less than 8 dollars, well it might be a good idea to cheer yourself up before you're flat broke. Considering your funds however, you might only be able to afford to serve kool aid and saltines.


Now moving on, we come to forms of entertainment that never quite caught on or just went horribly wrong.


So you have a birthday party for a bunch of 5 year old kids. You hire a clown right? Well what happens when you have a party for a bunch of clowns? Who are you suppose to hire? It might feel something like this:

Then I thought about opening my own specialty pinata business and making them for the following:

• Divorce - Head of the ex-husband or ex-wife. Half of the candy goes to each spouse.
• Completed Rehab - Might not want to fill the pinata with bottle caps and pixie sticks.
• Hemorrhoids Gone - A giant ass filled with tubes of Preparation H.

• Husband Forgot to Clean Litter Box - Wife filled it with the contents of the litter box. 

 

Next I came up with a theory about receiving gifts. Start taking a closer look at the gifts you are getting and they will reveal how people really think of you. You may find out you had more problems than you thought. For example if you receive:


A fine wine - You're an alcoholic.


Food gift card - You're a fat ass.


Cash - You're poor.


Check - You're stupid. They're poor, it's going to bounce, and they already know this.


Clothes - You dress like Pee Pants, the inebriated hobo clown.


Well whatever form it may take, I hope the next party you throw will have an invite with my name on it. Except for the enema party, I'll pass on that one.


Just know that all of you are always welcome to my blog anytime, because every post is like a party in itself.


P.S. This guy likes parties.